Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
