apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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