glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Randomize
