Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
