Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
