we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
