I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
