i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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