its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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