im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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