oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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