You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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