But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
