I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
