I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
