I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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