literally had 100 drinks last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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