I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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