we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
