fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
