I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
