I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
