would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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