Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
