Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
