I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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