There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
