i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
