pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Randomize
