he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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