Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
