So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
