Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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