I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
