Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need a beard to bite.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
