Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
