well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
