the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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