You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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