Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
