i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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