My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
