Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
