i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
