I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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