He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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