Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
