my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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