Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my shit smells like andre
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
