Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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