And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
