Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
