i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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